Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.

They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true. As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

If you never want to see a man again, say: I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children - they leave skid marks.

Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.

A man's silence can break a woman's heart into a thousand pieces while a woman's silence can give a man a thousand moments of peace!

Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!

True friends stand behind u during ur bad times. Do u want a proof? Check out your marriage album. U’ll find that all ur friends standing behind U

While in bed after few years of marriage, husband and wife's HIPS meet each other more often than LIPS....

Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.