1) BRAIN TUMOR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I--m dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!


2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you--ve just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!


3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:

Mr. Bean: I--d like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn--t know the alphabet yet!!


4) QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE:

Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.

Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!


5) Marriage:

Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.


6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it--s a horror film. I didn--t see any picture.

Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.


7) Mr. Bean:

(crying) the doctor called, Mom--s dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!


8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:

Colleague: Sorry I--m late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That--s alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.


9) Spelling lesson:

Mr. Bean--s Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

Showing his friend around his home, Jennings pointed out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.

The day before I die, I--d like to sell every piece we--ve got just to see how much it--s all worth.

Well, his friend replies, since you couldn--t possibly know the day before you were going to die, you--ll never be able to sell!

And that--s where you--re wrong, the man smiled. If I sell it, my wife would kill me!

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Ha

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Reason

Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Shaadi ke pehle - chal chayya chayya
Shaadi ke baad - ah aab laut chale

Shaadi ke pehle - hum aapke dil main rehte hain
Shaadi ke baad - hum apke ghar main rehte hain

Shaadi ke pehle - arzoo
Shaadi ke baad - asoo

Shaadi ke pehle - soldier
Shaadi ke baad - major sahib

Shaadi ke pehle - pyaar hona hi tha
Shaadi ke baad - meri saath esa kyu hua

Shaadi ke pehle - jeevan saathi
Shaadi ke baad - bachcho ke baad, bangaye hathi

Shaadi ke pehle - deewana
Shaadi ke baad - anjaam

Shaadi ke pehle - laila majnoo
Shaadi ke baad - dono majnoon

============

AIK POLICE OFFICER KI SHAADI THEE WO FRIENDS KAY SATH CAR MAIN JARAHA THA. PECHAY SAY BARATEON KI BUS ARAHEE THEE TU OFFICER BOLA MUJHAY YA BUS MASHQOOQ LAGTI HAI YA GHAR SAY HAMARA PECHA KARRAHEE HAI

shaadi ke pahle saal mard bolta hai aurat sunti hai
Doosre saal aurat bolti hai mard sunta hai
Teesre Saal dono bolte hain muhalla sunta hai.

life ho to aisi
monday ko dosti
tuesday ko piyar
wednesday ko shadi
thursday ko barbadi
firday ko fighting
saturday ko talaq
sunday ko rest
monday ko NEXT

bewafa tum ho to wafadar hum bhi nahi
besharam tum ho to sharamdar hum bhi nahi
pyar k is moor per aa k kehte ho k shadishuda ho to kiya hua darling -------------kunware to hum bhi nahi.

Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U--ve been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

Finally, here is some warning given out in good faith!

Shaadi ke pehle - Agar Tum Na Hote:(
Shaadi ke baad - Agar Tum Na Hote:)

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi
Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky

Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Apke Hain
Shaadi he baad - Hum Apke Hai Koun

aik dafa aik aurat kai gher main shadi hoty hai tu woh mithayi walay kai paas jaty hai order dainay us dukaan kai upper aik admi shave bana raha hota hay us ka blade haath say slip hota hai aur dukaan daar ki dash par girta hai aurat ki mithayi kai dabay main woh pack hojaty hai aglay din aty hai or poochty hai bhayi woh u bary mazedar thy dukaan wala bolta hai ab apni kaat lo samjhna tumhara kaam hay