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You should do two things in the morning- 1) Pray to God so you can live and 2) have a shower so others can live.

I hate two-faced people because it's harder for me to decide as to which side to slap first.

Be silent in two situations. When you feel one can`t understand your feelings from words; and when one can understand without any words.

Attach two way tape to a long piece of toilet paper and leave it on the floor for your victim to step on.

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows any one of them!

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.

1st Soldier: Why did you join the army?

2nd Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army?

1st Soldier: I joined because I had a wife and I loved peace!

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhoea!

Two theories to argue with wife :

1. If she is right then be fair to her & keep quiet.

2. If she is wrong then be kind to yourself & keep quiet!

Most of the problems in life are because of two reasons:


We act without thinking,

And we keep thinking without acting!