joke

once four brothers . named anybody,nobody,mad and bed.one day any body and nobody were fighting.bed was in the bathroom, and mad was calling the police.hi,sir mad said anybody and no body are fighting.the policeman said are u mad,yes.where,s your bed,in the bathroom

whats big,hard,and full of seamen....
a sumbarine!!!!!!

first there were 2 parrots in a cage they were alwayz like one of them is alwayz in sajdah and the other one is always saying allahs names on the tasbeeh and the guy the owner is like i have to buy a female for them and he wents to the bazzar and finds one and when he bring the female home and as soon as he puts the female inside the parrot with the tasbeeh is like (AUTH OYE DUAA QABOOL HO GYA AA)....

A man and a woman were guests at a party.
They had been eyeing each other all night.
Finally, the man walked up to the woman and asked,
""Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?""

""Well yes!"" answered the woman.

The man replied, ""Would you sleep with me for a dollar?""

""Of course not!"" replied the woman, horrified.
""What kind of woman do you think I am?""

""I-ve already established that, ma-am,"" said the man.
""Now I-m just trying to settle on a price.""

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
You know you-re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you-re down there.
You-re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
One of life-s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down -till the thought goes away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
Time may be a great healer, but it-s also a lousy beautician.
Age doesn-t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I-m sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don-t hurt.

One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.

The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere - and let the air out of their tires.

Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

Today-s mighty oak is just yesterday-s nut that held its ground.

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.

If you can remain calm, you just don-t have all the facts.

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant
approached a blonde sitting in the first class section
and requested that she move to coach since she did not
have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, ""I-m a
blonde, I-m beautiful, I-m going to New York, and I-m
not moving.""

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight
attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her.
He went to talk with the blonde asking her to
please move out of the first class section. Again,
the blonde replied, ""I-m a blonde, I-m beautiful,
I-m going to New York, an I-m not moving."" The
co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the
captain what he should do.

The captain said, ""I-m married to a blonde, and
I know how to handle this."" He went to the first
class section and whispered in the blonde-s ear.
She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach
section mumbling to herself, ""Why didn-t anyone
just say so?""

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot
asked what he said to her that finally persuaded
her to move from her seat. He said ""I told her
the first class section wasn-t going to New York.""

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources
person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a
salary he was looking for.
""In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the
benefits package.""
""Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car
leased every 2 years...say, a red Corvette?""
""Wow! Are you kidding?""
""Yeah, but you started it.""

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend
with him.

While he-s talking to his grandmother, his friend starts
eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finished them
off.

As they-re leaving, his friend says to his grandmother,
""Thanks for the peanuts.""

She says, ""Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the
chocolate off them.""