joke

This woman at a party walked up to this man and told him, ""If you
were my husband I would poison your drink,"" and the man says, ""If you
were my wife I would drink it

A man told his doctor that he wasn-t able to do all the things around
the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he
said, ""Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is
wrong with me.""

""Well, in plain English,"" the doctor replied, ""you-re just lazy.""

""Okay,"" said the man. ""Now give me the medical term so I can tell my
wife.""

once a boy asked his father,while listening pop singers,have you heard this type of pop music?
dad replied yes!
he asked when.
he answered that i heard such a music during an accident when one truck was loaded with cattle & the other with empty tins of iron.

A young guy was complaining to his Boss about
the problems he was having with his stubborn
girlfriend. ""She gets me so angry sometimes
I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.

""Well, I-ll tell you what I used to do with
my wife,"" replied the Boss. ""Whenever she got
out of hand I-d take her pants down and spank
her.""

Shaking his head the young guy replied, ""That
doesn-t work. Once I get her pants down I-m
not mad anymore.""

THERE WAS LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You-d be in jail for a while!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut- you did with a pocket knife
Paste- you did with glue
A web was a spider-s home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I-ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody-s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

HIGH DEFINITION HILARITY
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

A priest came to a swimming pool with his hat in his hands. There he saw two beautiful young ladies were swimming there.The two girls came to Father for pray. Father put his right hand on the girl-s head and said ""God bless you"" then he put his left hand and said again ""God bless you"" and HAT is still there!!!

(Please skip this if you don-t understand Hindi Language)

Bholaji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the english class.This is what transpires :

Bholaji : ""Bolo bachon GADHA""
Students (in chorous) : ""GADHA ""

Bholaji : ""Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA""
Students (in chorous) : ""GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA""

Bholaji : ""Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN""
Students (in chorous) : ""GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MEIN""

Bholaji : ""Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MEIN, MERE PECHE SAARA DESH""
Students (in chorous) : ""GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH""

By this time the inspector is furious. He confronts the principal and shouts at him ""What is this Bholaji teaching his students. He is supposed to be taking an english class and what he is saying is GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH.

The principal too is shocked, the famous english teacher doing this.
Principal : ""Bholaji what nonsense are you telling these students ""GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"".
Bholaji : ""Yes i was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students the spelling of ASSASSINATION. ASS - ASS - I - NATION (GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH)

a petaflop