joke

A bat came flying back too his friends with blood all over his mouth. ""What happened?""
asked his friends. The bat told them to follow him. He took them over hills, through a jungal
& after quite some flying he sat on a tree, to say ""You see that tree over there?"" his friends
nodded ""i didnt"" replyed the bat.
from sad joker

what do you get when you cross a pakistani man & a irsh man? a paddystani.

A fellow in his 40-s buys a new mercedes and decides
to test
it out on the freeway. He is running about 80MPH with
the top
down and the wind blowing through his hair. All of a
sudden
he notices a highway patrol cruiser flashing his red
lights
directly behind his car. In an instant, he decides
that his
new mercedes can easily outrun the patrol car so he
jumps
the speed up to 100, then 115 and finally 125. The
patrol
car is right behind him and the guy finally realizes
what he
has done and pulls over. The patrolman walks up to him
and
asks for his drivers license. He then looks at the
driver
and says ""this is my ticket for my shift and I really
hate
writing up a bunch of paperwork."" ""If you can give me
an
excuse I have never heard before"" I will let you off.
The
driver thinks for a second and says:""officer, two
weeks ago
my wife left me for a cop. I thought you were the cop
and
trying to give her back to me.

The patrolman let him go....

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops
down on the couch in front of the television, and
tells
his wife, ""Get me a beer before it starts."" The wife
sighs and gets him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he says, ""Get me another beer
before it starts."" She looks cross, but fetches
another
beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that
beer
and a few minutes later says, ""Quick, get me another
beer,
it-s going to start any minute.""

The wife is furious. She yells at him ""Is that all
you-re
going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of
that
TV? You-re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and
furthermore...""

The man sighs and says, ""It-s started...""

These are actual instruction labels on
consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that-s the only time I have to work on my hair!)


On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it-s -just- a suggestion!)

On Tesco-s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the

box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let-s experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn-t that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot-s Children-s cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction
accidents if
we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the
translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I-m curious.)

On Sainsbury-s peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you-ve tried this...)

On a child-s Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That-s right, destroy a universal
childhood
belief.)

A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration for his class. He took two earth worms and in front of the class he did the following: He dropped the first worm into a beaker of water where it dropped to the bottom and wriggled about. He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl alcohol and it immediately shriveled up and died. He asked the class if anyone knew what this demonstration was intended to show them. A boy in the second row immediately shot his arm up and, when called on said: -You-re showing us that if you drink alcohol, you won-t have worms.-

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, ""What is three times three?""

""274"" was his reply.

The doctor worriedly says to the second man, ""It-s your turn. What is three times three?""

""Tuesday"" replies the second man.

The doctor sadly says to the third man, ""Okay, your turn. What-s three times three""?

""Nine"" says the third man.

""That-s great!"" exclaims the doctor. ""How did you get that""?

""Jeez, Doc, it-s pretty simple,"" says the third man. ""I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday.""

why students dont study""
IT IS NO FAULT OF STUDENT BECOZ A YEAR HAS ONLY
365 DAYS.
DAYS IN A YEAR = 365
SUNDAYS = 52 DAYS
SUNDAYS ARE MENT FOR REST
DAYS LEFT = 313 DAYS

SUMMER VACATIONS = 60 DAYS
WEATHER IS VERY HOT,SO IT IS DIFFICULT TO STUDY
DAYS LEFT = 253 DAYS

8 HOURS OF DAILY SLEEP = 122 DAYS
NECESSARY
DAYS LEFT = 131

1 HOUR DAILY FOR PLAY = 15 DAYS
ITS GUD FOR HEALTH
DAYS LEFT = 116 DAYS

2 HOURS DAILY FOR FOOD = 30 DAYS
CHEW THE FOOD PROPERLY DONT CARE FOR TIME
DAYS LEFT = 86 DAYS

EXAMINATION DAYS IN A YEAR = 30 DAYS
GIVING EXAMS IS NECESSARY
DAYS LEFT = 56 DAYS

WINTER VICATIONS = 25 DAYS
WEATHER IS COLD ITS DIFFIULT TO STUDY
DAYS LEFT = 31 DAYS
OTHER HOLIDAYS = 20 DAYS
THESE HOLIDAYS ARE TO ENJOY
DAYS LEFT = 11 DAYS
ILLNESS ATLEAST ONCE A YEAR = 8 DAYS
BECOZ OF ILLNESS STUDY IS DIFFICULT
DAYS LEFT = 3 DAYS

RESULT DAYS = 3 DAYS
GOING AND TAKING RESULT IS NECESSARY
DAYS LEFT =0 DAYS

SO TELL ME WHERE THERE IS TIME TO STUDY.

What does a ghost swim in?
The DEAD sea!