Misc

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLL
A true story

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one-s gate parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign ""Speedbird 206"") after landing:

Speedbird 206: ""Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway.""

Ground: ""Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!""

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxi way and slowed to a stop.

Ground: ""Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?""

Speedbird 206: ""Stand by a moment ground, I-m looking up our gate location now.""

Ground: ""Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?!?""

Speedbird 206 (cooly): ""Yes, I have, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but I didn-t stop.""

Walking up to a department store-s fabric counter, a pretty girl
asked, ""I want to buy this material for a new dress.

How much does it cost?""

""Only one kiss per yard, "" replied the smirking male clerk.

""That-s fine,"" replied the girl. ""I-ll take ten yards."" With
expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk
hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out
teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little
old man standing beside her. ""Grandpa will pay the bill,"" she smiled.

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook,
and an eye patch. ""How-d you end up with a peg leg?"" asks the
sailor.

""I was swept overboard in a storm,"" says the pirate. ""A shark bit off
me whole leg.""

""Wow!"" said the sailor. ""What about the hook?""

""We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other seamen with
swords. One of them cut me hand clean off.""

""Incredible!"" remarked the sailor. ""And the eye patch?""

""A seagull dropping fell in me eye,"" replied the pirate.

""You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?"".

Said the pirate, ""It was me first day with the hook.""

whats big,hard,and full of seamen....
a sumbarine!!!!!!

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources
person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT what kind of a
salary he was looking for.
""In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the
benefits package.""
""Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car
leased every 2 years...say, a red Corvette?""
""Wow! Are you kidding?""
""Yeah, but you started it.""

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend
with him.

While he-s talking to his grandmother, his friend starts
eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finished them
off.

As they-re leaving, his friend says to his grandmother,
""Thanks for the peanuts.""

She says, ""Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the
chocolate off them.""

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three
engineers buy only a single ticket.

""How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?"" asked one of the
three lawyers.

""Watch and you-ll see,"" answers one of the engineers.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all
three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, ""Ticket, please."" The
door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The
conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the
conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and
save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for
the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don-t buy a ticket at
all.

""How are you going to travel without a ticket,"" asks one perplexed lawyer.

""Watch and you-ll see,"" says one of the engineers.

When they board the train, the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the
three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly
afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the
restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
""Ticket, please.""

There was this old priest who got sick of
all the people in his parish who kept
confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the
pulpit, he said, ""If I hear one more person
confess to adultery, I-ll quit!"" Well,
everyone liked him, so they came up with a
code word. Someone who had committed adultery
would say they had ""fallen"".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and
things went well, until the priest died at
a ripe old age. About a week after the new
priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the
town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, ""You have to do something
about the sidewalks in town. When people
come into the confessional, they keep talking
about having fallen.""

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that
no-one had told the new priest about the code
word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest
shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said,
""I don-t know what you-re laughing about. Your
wife fell three times this week.""