Computer

Top Ten Signs Your Co-worker Is A Computer Hacker


10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000.

9. He-s won the Publisher-s Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, ""Oh, puh-leeez"" 95 times during the movie ""The Net.""

4. Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.

3. His video dating profile lists ""public-key encryption"" among turn-ons.

2. For his welcome voice on AOL, you hear, ""Good Morning, Mr. President.""

1. You hear him murmur, ""Let-s see you use that Visa now, Professor
I- Don-t-Give- A-s-In-Computer-Science!""

If Only Life Could Be Like A Computer


If you messed up your life, you could press ""Ctrl, Alt, Delete"" and start
all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on ""run""! If you needed a break from
life, click on suspend.

Hit ""any key"" to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you loose your car keys, click on find.

""Help"" with the chores is just a click away.

Auto insurance wouldn-t be necessary. You would use your diskette to
recover from a crash.

And, we could click on ""SEND NOW"" and a Pizza would be on it-s way to you.

* Tales of Technical Support *

Customer: ""My computer crashed!""

Tech Support: ""It crashed?""

Customer: ""Yeah, it won-t let me play my game...""

Tech Support: ""All right then, hit Control-Alt-Delete to
reboot it.""

Customer: ""No, it didn-t crash - it crashed!""

Tech Support: ""Huh?""

Customer: ""I crashed my game. That-s what I said before!
I crashed the spaceship, and now it doesn-t work.""

Tech Support: ""Click on -File-, then -New Game-.""

Customer: [pause] ""Wow! How-d you learn how to do that?""

A good Friend is like a computer
he ENTERS in your life SAVE himself
in your heart,FORMATS all your troubles
and never delete you from his heart.