Instruction labels

These are actual instruction labels on
consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that-s the only time I have to work on my hair!)


On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it-s -just- a suggestion!)

On Tesco-s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the

box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let-s experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn-t that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot-s Children-s cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction
accidents if
we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the
translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I-m curious.)

On Sainsbury-s peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you-ve tried this...)

On a child-s Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That-s right, destroy a universal
childhood
belief.)