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Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers - what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow!

Jeeto to Preeto, "You look different today".

Preeto: The doctor asked me to lose 5 kgs.

Jeeto: And you lost 5 kgs?

Preeto: Yes, I stopped wearing makeup!

All local trains in Mumbai are running late today, not on account of heavy rains but because of an "overweight girl called Varsha.

Just heard an announcement in Hindi saying,

"Bhaari VARSHA Ke Karan Sabhi Gadiyan Deri Se Chal Rahi Hain!"

All those who find their love today, Happy Valentine's Day;

And all those who don't, Happy Ballantine's Day!

You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you. (James Allen)

Banta: What are you going to do today?

Santa: Nothing.

Banta: You did that yesterday.

Santa: Yes, but I wasn't finished.

British boy: You look beautiful today,love.
American boy: Yo ass is kickin.

Pappu: Dad, will you take me to the Zoo today?

Santa: Certainly not. If they want you, they can come and get you!

When you want to enjoy life, think today as your life's First day. When you want to achieve something in life, think today as your life's Last day. Have a Gr8 Day!