What is a contingent fee?

If the lawyer doesn't win your suit, he gets nothing;

And if the lawyer does win it, you get nothing!

Lawyer: You say you're divorcing your husband for health reasons?

Woman: Yes, I'm sick of him!

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? I'm not telling you.

Lawyer: You want a divorce because your husband is careless about his appearance?

Woman: Yes, he hasn't showed up in 18 months!

Lawyer: Why do you want to divorce such a beautiful and lovely wife?

Husband: Look at my shoe, it is also beautiful but only the wearer knows how much it pinches!

"You've been convicted 5 times of this offence - aren't you ashamed to own to that?"

"No, your honour. I don't think one ought to be ashamed of his convictions!"

Q: What's wrong with "Lawyer Jokes"?

A: Lawyers don't think they're funny; and nobody else thinks they're jokes.