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A doctor wanted to check all the crazy people in hospital, he put a table and put some oil on the top and called crazy to put the light, when went up, they feel down and the last brought a news paper and putted on the table and stand and fix the light. The doctor asks how you understand. He said I was little short, I brought the news paper to make me tall.

A foreman sent out two groups of men to put up telephone poles along a new highway and asked them to report at the end of the day.
The crews were gone all day and returned just as the sun was setting.
The foreman asked the leader of the first group how many poles they had installed.
The reply was eleven.
The foreman patted the guy on the back and said, ""Not bad.""
Then he went to Santa, leader of the second group, and asked him the same question.
Two was the reply.
""Two! All you installed were two?! The other group installed eleven!"" The foreman exclaimed angrily.
""Yeah,"" Santa answered, ""But you should have seen how much they left sticking out!""

if CON is opposite of PRO ,what is the opposite of PROGRESS

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, Not yet.
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, Not yet.
Finally they say, When can we see the baby?
And the mother says, When the baby cries.
So they ask, Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?
The new mother says, I forgot where I put it.
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