The guide to wife translations

The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It-s your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You-ll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don-t want you to

The wife says: I-n not upset
The wife means: Of course I-m upset you moron

The wife says: You-re ... so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I-m going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you-re not going to like.

The wife says: I-ll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?
The wife means: Tell me I-m beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.
The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?
The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes
The wife means: No

The wife says: No
The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe
The wife means: No

The wife says: I-m sorry
The wife means: You-ll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?
The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All we-re going to buy is a soap dish
The wife means: I-m coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?
The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: I-m not yelling!
The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question ""What-s wrong?""

The wife says: The same old thing.
The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.
The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.
The wife means: It-s just that you-re an idiot.

The wife says: I don-t want to talk about it.
The wife means: I-m still building up steam.