Insults

Let it be very clear to you - the only asshole I want in my life is the one that I sit on!

Shit happens. I mean, look at your face.

Let me know if I say anything that offends you, I might want to offend you again later!

I hate two-faced people because it's harder for me to decide as to which side to slap first.

I saw a garbage truck driving yesterday. You never told me you were moving.

Ultimate Insult:


A Boy texts a girl.

Boy: Hey.

Girl: Hi! What are you doing?

Boy: Texting the most beautiful girl of the world.

Girl: Aww How cute!

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Boy: Ya! But she is not replying so I'm texting you!

It's not that I hate you. It's just that if you caught fire, I'd roast marshmallows!

I might look calm, but in my head I've killed you three times.

Have u seen a monkey wrapped in plastic?

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No?

Quickly check your driving license!

Wish some people would just disappear. Quietly, gently, softly.